Wonderful Words of Friendship Passes on and on

I was going through old emails between my friend Brenda and I and found this one she forwarded to a few of her girlfriends back in 2005. So to all my gal pals and for them to forward to theirs and so on and so on.....

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.

"What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought; "Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! -- a grownup; surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.
After almost 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.
My mother, sister, sister-in-law, "sisters," extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to the women who help make your life work.

I just did!

In Brenda's Memory

Donations in Brenda’s memory can be made to:
International Cancer Advocacy Network (ICAN)
Attention: Brenda Diener Program 27 West Morten Avenue
Phoenix AZ 85021-7246
OR
online secure contributions at www.askican.org (left side: ICAN Donate)
Information, please call ICAN at 602-618-0183

My Dear Friend Brenda Diener

In November of 1999 I was going through an incredibly difficult period of my life. In an effort to meet new people I went to a myriad of events, seminars and yes even forced myself to attend a round of Speed Dating where I met an extraordinary person. Nope… not the man of my dreams but a magnificent women who would become one of my closest friends. Brenda was seated at the table to my left and the guys would go from my table to hers. I guess we bonded over a bit of sarcasm and snide remarks as she and I exchanged comments and opinions as each passed through. While neither of us found love we found each other and for that I will always be grateful.

On Saturday March 5th my dear friend Brenda died. A piece of me died too. You see she was my biggest cheerleader. Good friends acknowledge your accomplishments and attributes but great friends actually see them when you don’t and Brenda was always there to point mine out. She commiserated with me, disagreed with me, advised me, consoled me, encouraged me, challenged me, supported me and loved me. Brenda was one of the smartest, feistiest, courageous, lazer light focused, direct, committed, curious, sincere people I’ve ever known. I’m desperately trying to feel the joy of the preverbal cup half full for knowing her rather than the pain of the cup half empty that she’s gone. I know that in time the tears will stop flowing and the sadness will subside but the depth of how she has impacted my life is iindelibly inked into my soul forever.

Brenda actually did meet the love of her life shortly after we met but fortunately for me she still loved a night out at a bar and I served as her perfect wingman and she mine. We had lots of fun, shared many a cocktail….literally I had one, she had two and then I would order another that she would ultimately drink most of. I can picture us at almost every location of the bar at Bandera at one time or another as it was a perfect half way meeting spot for us. With a glance she could easily attract a group of guys to circle us like bees to honey and would flirt harmlessly on my behalf being that I was genuinely single. For her it was all innocent fun and although she enjoyed the attention (who wouldn’t) she really, really wanted me to meet my Mr. Right. Barely more than a week before she died she didn’t miss the chance to express her concern of me being single. I’m reminded of the time she turned to me and said “you know… you can date someone that doesn’t like Jon Stewart or Bill Maher” and I said “uh uh, nope, can’t do it”. Or when she said “you can date someone that voted for Bush, seriously you can’t eliminate half the men in the country” my response…”ok, if they voted for him the 1st time I’ll consider it, but no way if they voted for him twice!”

I think our relationships are a snapshot reflecting who we truly are at our core. A tribute to how amazing Brenda was, she leaves behind a life partner David who has been at her side through a decade long roller coaster ride until her last breath Saturday; Jennifer, a college friend turned business partner who together built a successful business and extended loving, connected family anyone would be envious of, two incredible boys Jordan and Ryan that were the greatest loves of her life, two brothers and a mother whose relationship was so fueled by love, respect & adoration I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes plus a bevy of friends that she touched in a way making each of us feel as if we were the only one and the most special.

I miss my friend Brenda so much and have no doubt she would tell me to stop crying and start a new chapter just like I did back in 1999 when we met. She would tell me to go out and have fun, drink and flirt shamelessly. I wish I could channel her devilish, light hearted, playful spirit and if I could I would raise a glass (of excellent tequila of course) to my dear, beautiful Brenda and say “Brenda, I love you and miss you so much!”